hindsight--

I realize what I wrote yesterday about marriage>house>baby isn't 100% accurate.  At least, I mean that in that I don't mean you have to have all three of those with no wiggle room. I lived the first 8 years of my life in apartments and I'm no worse for it.

What I meant was more of a get your affairs in order, then have kids. I, personally, don't have mine in order. I still owe a lot of money to credit cards and student loans.

Now, on to more fun stuff. Stayed up until 4am being the "guy talk" friend. It was nice. I'm glad that someone trusts me enough to talk to me about that kind of thing. I'll admit, it's hard with my Fiance being away for so long-- I guess now I know how he felt when I left to go back to new york city. I need to talk to him soon so I can accurately update the hours and the google map.

Making today better

Yesterday I had a rather bad day. I woke up crying from some very teasing dreams (judging from how crusty my eyes are this morning I had them again without remembering) got to work to a rather bleh day, couldn't get my reserves up, had a sugar crash of 50 just before lunch. Was still only 69 before going home for dinner which worries me now that I don't have health insurance again. Open enrollment at work isn't for another two months and I can't get married tomorrow *if only* It feels forever away for me but I know that getting married now while we're both not making good money is something we'll regret later. I'm a firm believer in marriage>house>baby, neither of which we can afford right now.

Yesterday was wonderful in one way, I got to talk to him a lot. Since it was his 8th day and he max'd out his 70. We played Draw Something and he got to tell me about some stories he wants to work on. Hopefully he gets another 10 in today. I'd like that very much.

one quarter

So, training is about a quarter done. He has already maxed out his hours for the week with one day left (a day of rest for him I can only hope) Now I don't know if he's going to complain about the trainer or leave it be for the next three weeks. That's up to him, I can't force him to despite how desperately I want him to. No one has a right to treat anyone else like that.

Here I sit, alone in my room contemplating why I chose to move back here knowing full well that he was leaving for Orientation. I know that his mother is glad I'm close by. She admitted to me today that she might not be handling it so well if I were not. Sad truth is I'm not handling being here very well. I miss my dog, I miss not being sick all the time, I miss my family.

I also miss him. 

Longest convo all week

Recently got off the phone with my love. It was the longest convo we've had in the 10 days he's been gone. It was a good convo full of "I love you"'s and "I Miss you"s. He's in Texas still, on the way to Florida with what I joked about being a load of Mexians trying to get to Cuba.

I'm glad that the load has such a distance, he can maybe get in 20 hours before its dropped. That much closer to being here in my arms.

Laying awake at night

I played some MassEffect 3 multiplayer with some friends last night and we ended at a decent hour. I however laid in bed until well after 3am. Just laid here. Yeah I screwed around on FB for a while but even after throwing on netflix, which I've fallen asleep to plenty of times, nothing.

I hate this. He's almost never been around to huggle me at night unless we were on vacation or something yet sleeping seems to be the hardest part for me right now. I know that we need the money and he needs to be doing a job where that money is his to do with what he wants but heck. I miss him so much.

The Breakfast of Champions...

I feel like a right little chit sitting here enjoying my Carnation Breakfast Essentials with my multigrain Cheerios knowing that it's possible that my love will not get food today. That if he does it may be as little as a granola bar or a single fast food burger. I want so badly to be in that cab with him. To keep it stocked with no refridge needed milks, juices and other healthy snacks for him. I want to lay curled up between his warm body and the cool metal of the truck during his off time. I can not wait for this to become a reality for us or for him to finish and get his dedicated or regional route. It's been a little over a week since he left.
At last check in 40 hours down, 230 hours to go.

Getting out of bed in the morning.

It's been hard. The first few days he was gone I cleaned like a woman on a mission. Lately thought I just can't seem to drag myself out of the bed. I didn't get to sleep until almost 3am this morning and when my alarm went off at 10 I reset it for 11.

He hasn't called me yet this morning, which is good hopefully they're out on the road rather than burning their hours. I was going to go horseback riding again today but the forecast calls for 50% chance of rain. I hate when it's nice all week when I'm at work and then I get rain on my days off.

Update 1:20pm

So I had started a google map, so I can pin everywhere my fiance goes and today when he checked in for his second drop I realized he's so far away. I'm trying to keep busy. I cleaned the car the other day, I started cleaning the kitchen yesterday. I'm glad I have a 5 day work week this week or else I think I'd go crazy. I haven't checked with him on his exact hours left till he finishes his 270 but it feels like so far away. 

Finding support

Earlier today I found a great group on Facebook where wifes of truckers come together to chat about life but also to support each other. They've taken me in and already given me some great advice for living with a trucker. <3

I can't wait to have a nice place of our own for me to have nice and clean for when he comes home. I'm going to bake a cake, maybe I'll put ice cream in it. Too many weeks to go until I get to hold him again but I'm still somehow counting the hours.

Also today I got in some nice driving practice with my future MIL. I drove all the way to the horse stables, went riding for a couple of hours, and drove home. Of course now I can't sleep and have tried cleaning, playing the sims and even just laying in bed but nada. Wish he was awake for  me to talk to.

New Beginnings

My fiance is now a long haul truck driver. I guess the distance was something we started working on early when I moved back with my parents last year. While I was gone he decided to enroll in a CDL class and he finished in January. Of course I move back to start getting ready to finish my college degree in the fall and he gets a company. I can't even drive myself yet! I grew up in NYC where we didn't need to drive.

I did get to have a rather amazing two weeks with him before he had to leave. I feel like only half a person with him gone. I get up, I go to work, I come home. Sometimes I play some video games or take the bicycle out to the nature trail. I'm counting the hours until he comes home. Until he has made us enough money that we can move out of our crappy basement apartment and into something with windows. Something with a yard where my dog can run.